You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

No person really decides before they grow up whom they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. (Bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

The grand finale...

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.”