Step 1:
Use open-ended questions For conversation to flow well, it's important to ask open questions, these often start with ‘how', ‘when', ‘why' etc. An open question is something like: "What sort of things do you do in your spare time?"This really gets the conversation flowing. Try to avoid asking closed questions. These are questions that can be answered with yes or no answer, such as: "Do you like films?"Closed questions tend to kill the conversation.
1.提开放式问题
为了让对话顺利展开，提开放式的问题是很重要的，这些问题常以如何，什么时候，为什么等开头，如：你在闲暇之余都爱做点儿什么呢？这样就很容易使对话进行下去。尽量避免提封闭性问题，就是那些能够用是或否来回答的问题，比如：你喜欢看电影吗？封闭性问题常常使对话无法继续进行。

Step 2:
Active Listening People speak at 100 to 175 words per minute (WPM), but they can listen intelligently at up to 300 words per minute. Since only a part of our mind is paying attention, it is easy to go into mind drift - thinking about other things while listening to someone. The cure for this is active listening - which involves listening with a purpose. It may be to gain information, obtain directions, understand others, solve problems, share interest, see how another person feels, show support, etc. It's also important to give feedback to show yourself and the other person that you've understood what they've said. Do this by summarising and repeating what you heard.
2.听的要积极
人们的语速一般在每分钟100到175字，但是人们却拥有听懂每分钟300字的听力潜质。在与人交谈时，实际上我们只用了部分注意力在听人讲话上，因此很容易走神-想些其他的事情。解决这个问题的方法就是积极地去听-包括带有目的去听。可以是为了获取信息，为了获得指导，为了了解别人，为了解决问题，为了分享乐趣，为了了解他人的想法，为了表示支持，等等。给对方反馈以显示自己听懂了对方的话也是很重要的。你可以做个总结也可以重复一下听到的话。

Step 3:
Create a 'cocoon' If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try to imagine a “cocoon” around you and the person you're listening to. Imagine that the cocoon is blocking out all outside distractions, so you can really focus on what they're saying. Try repeating their words mentally as they say it - this will reinforce their message and help you control mind drift.
3.想象一个“茧”
如果你发现自己很难把注意力集中在对方说的话，那就想象在你和说话对方的周围有一个“茧”。想象这个茧隔开了一切外部的让你分心的事儿，那么你就能够真正地做到全神贯注地聆听对方了。当对方说话时，自己在脑海里把他的话重复一遍-这不仅能为你加强印象，还能帮你集中注意力。

Step 4:
Engage with the other person When someone is trying to get your attention, or engage you in conversation don't turn your back on them. Instead, turn and face them, engage with them. When you are talking to people observe your body language and your tone of voice. Remember to use open strong gestures, look people in the eye and smile when you talk unless you are complaining about something.
4.乐于接受交谈
当有人想引起你注意，或者想和你交谈时，不要拒绝。转过身来正视对方，和他们交谈。当和人说话时，注意自己的肢体动作以及说话的语气。记住，当你是在说话而不是在抱怨时，一定要做到要落落大方，保证眼神交流，并保持微笑。

Step 5:
Assumptions Don't assume you know the other person's thoughts and feelings.When the facts aren't present to support your belief, always check with the other person what they mean when they say something.
5.不要以为你什么都懂
不要以为你对对方的想法和感受都了如指掌。当没有迹象表明你的想法是正确的时，一定要向对方搞清楚他所说的话是什么意思。

Step 6:
Antagonistic sentences If you need to talk to someone about a difficult topic then avoid using sentences like “You should know me better”, “Why are you trying to upset me?”, “You've never understood me”, “I thought we were going to enjoy ourselves”. These are antagonistic sentences, and are not productive in any way and will just ensure there is a conflict.
6.话里不能含敌意
如果你需要和他人探讨一个很难的话题，那就要避免说这样的话：你不了解我；你太让我伤心了；你不会了解我的；没想到谈的这么不愉快。这些话里都含有敌意，不能解决问题反而只会造成冲突。